rain wind.
July 30, 2014
soft chilly cushions passed me
so close they appeared
as if facing a lost friend on his way
i met the rain wind returning home
carrying a grey sky upon himself
a sober face warmed by a tender smile
his eyes so solemn and earnest
humbled by the weight of moisture
he turned towards east
glancing sideways at times
picking up a stray cloud here and there
like a stormy warning when seen from afar
yet through windy kisses all along
he kept convincing me of his persistent song
his intentions creeping deep into me
with silhouettes of life forming upon his frame
i was alone yet i felt not thus
wrapping a cloak of nature’s breath
this feeling which all along swept
my feet becoming lighter and lighter
my heart beating softer and softer
i realized how deep my bonds were
to the sky above my chest and
the whispers of an unknown beyond.
there swings the second hand.
July 26, 2014
if i hold one and let the other be free
i am afraid i have but half of you
this tender world of dreamy state
i walk on clouds even while awake
how love swings my heart so wild
i have you now yet i have not enough
i keep tracking your eyes stubbornly with mine
wherever you look i wish to be a part of it
like a canvas loving her artist i
am fond of just your pair of eyes
the swings of time, as the clock ticks a rhyme
my hand that’s loose holds my chest so tight
to be a part of you, yet not so much i am scared
i am blessed and yet i am cursed all the while
love’s breeze can be rough sometimes
i am in love yet hate who i become
the moment i feel i might lose your love
i lose myself along with you.
on birthdays.
July 23, 2014
someone smiles for you
just for your well-being
someone’s there to remember it for you
adding importance to your existence
tender emotions spilled across this day
this one day that fills so much joy
to have been born
to have been healthy and well so far
it reminds one of everything in the past
and fills all hope for a future
you meet friends who love you
your family that showers you with gifts
wishes from one and all and its all so meaningful
the depth of the blue sky deepens
and our eyes become kinder and softer that day
since our heart’s been touched in or the other way
we feel grateful, happy and contented
even for a little while the world turns beautiful
and we seem to recognize our preciousness
within its humble womb.
her murky shadow.
July 2, 2014
the chimes ring
as winds bleed
upon my doorstep
is a shadow’s streak
someone i know
used to come through
walk in and hug me
watch me close
meet my eyes and
kiss my cheek
her murky memories
still lurk in my heart
a corner reserved
for her unwavering thoughts
thoughts of past
of her, of us
everything she touched
i never changed
what is this obsession
this dreary state
wherefrom comes
a feeling of possessing
that which lies
upon a foreign land
her voice sometimes
i hear over a fuzzy line
limited words
now describe our time
together we smile
a second and then
off goes our love
ends there our time
with gifts once given
and words once spoken
i survive a nostalgia
so imminently disguised
i believe she believes
i think she remembers
yet i know not the truth
i know only lies.
i want to believe that she really knows how much she means to me. my sister, i cannot describe hos much i miss her and love her… words, silence, none is enough to speak of what i feel, so deep lies this bond that its strange, and yet it is purely wonderful, this feeling of having someone like her and of loving her so much.
rhyme, i sing.
June 29, 2014
when she is upset
i sing
i used to sing
little songs in the past
incoherent pieces
of noisy breaths
i would want to
hug her, cuddle her
so much i dream
of having her
those soft hands
that grabbed mine
i still feel them in
my fragrant dreams
i wake up then
look at the moon
sing a rhyme
a rhyme, i sing.
he calls them sunset years
the years that went by faster
or slower than most
he felt a slight distress
at the sight of incomplete ambitions
he looked out the window for hours
went out on walks longer than hours
just so he could ponder
on the meaning his life achieved
after all these years
as i see him sitting there
on his easy chair
all i can think of is his importance
his place in our lives
whom he created, fed and
gave the tools to survive
how powerful he seems
how mysterious he appears
to my young eyes
as he calmly reads his morning paper
over a cup of tea
unworried yet deep in thought
still like a forest tree
silent like a mountain lake
he has reached in front of us
huge altitudes
vast landscapes
deep oceans
he has attained
a world for himself and us
and now he rests, reserves
his vitality, smiles often
feels relieved at the sight of us
his laughter growing lighter
his eyes being able to see much more
i am scared, i am thrilled
of his strength here and now
as he ages well, as he ages with reminiscence
as he ages with a kind of love
i have never seen before.
this is to my dad whom i love more than the whole world…
memories of childhood, with Heidi.
June 16, 2014
on the edge of
memories, somewhere
lies a place of those
days i was a child
carefree times
peaceful rhymes
when i look back
i see a saffron cloud
shadowing in gold
all that i once held close
so much depth there is
to flowers that fade
ends meet beginnings
yet in ends life surface
memories of
dreams i saw
with the ones i loved
the joys of laughter
those warm nights
under the moon
filled with breeze
a star-filled sky
enchantingly nice
sweet like sweetest wine
thin like a sheet of
honey on water
i reminisce in
thoughts deep
how life unfolds
in days that end
in days that stay
and in those that fade…
forever.
we used to watch this cartoon animation show named “heidi” on TV, me and my sis, when we were little and it was enchanting. the story was about a little girl living in the alps with her grandfather and the beauty of the mountains surrounding her humble home, goats, birds, her friend and the little village a little afar. i used to be lost in that story whenever i would watch it. it would bring me a lot of smiles, tears and all sorts of feelings of belongingness, almost as if it were my very own story. my sister and i would love it, cherish it and we do it even to this day. our shared childhood days, those memories of warm nights spent with my family, it all felt like a dream because we did not have a care in the world and we had our parents, our home and our very own sky.. i always felt that. whenever i think of those times tears come out and i am moved by how beautiful and precious those times were to us.
still standing… upright.
June 16, 2014
that vertical stand
head up, roots down
reaching a sky
that’s filled with blue
patches of white
and avian friends
what thoughts
circulate your soul
silent always
a calming friend of mine
i water you
i watch over you
i think about you
when exhausted
everything else
seems chaotic
except for you
all else is too noisy
even my own mind
disturbs me
even my own emotions
erode me
but seeing you grow
year after year
there is this flow
of life in me
of love that transcends
my human form
reaching out
to your brown limbs
each season i see
your leaves change
reacting to the world
in silent ways
i start to admire
your faceless face
somehow i feel
you do understand
all the complaints
that i pour out to you
all my sighs
reach you too
my tears pain you
as much as myself
and perhaps my thoughts
move you as well
are we friends
are we soulmates
or are we just
random creatures
standing side by side
i watch the stars with you
your resident mates
make you so beautiful
as dawn knocks away
an ardent night
you hold nests
you bear fruits
and your leaves wither
with the pinching cold
yet there you are
always by my side
as this earth
holds us two
the beauty of you
is beyond these words
our bond deeper
than mere verses
our time shorter
than most times
i wish i could have
a little more of you
in my garden
sitting close to you
i feel complete
for reasons unknown
our voices though
voiceless seem to echo
in the wind
in the rains
in summer’s heat
as well as in autumns
our happiness remains
uncomposed
yet i try
like a child
writing about you
on a page
that may fly
someday
away with
an evening breeze
…
still i know
you’ll be standing there
painfully watching
as our time ends
…
will it?
June 14, 2014
where i shall go
will i see the same sky
those same feelings
reverberating
from miles
above myself
will the wind blow
the leaves in my garden
same as now or
will it storm in my absence
breaking vases
i painfully collected
pinches of shades
of a dying sky set slow
i am reminded
of so much more
in these brief seconds
collapsing unto my ribs
painful sighs, and
drooping shoulders
silhouette against
a fabulous horizon
so little i am
so vast there is to be known
only if the pace
can be a bit slower
i would have cherished
a few more rains
a little more sun
and winter mornings here
yet that’s how
all stories inevitably end
one man against the sea
one human against the cosmos
will it make sense
anytime soon?
its painful when you leave a place where you lived for most of your life to go to a place you hardly know about. life in the urban is filled with painful surprises and once in a while it forces you to completely let go. but i am learning to love more than what i loved, i shall try my best.
🙂
drifting like autumn clouds.
June 9, 2014
i see you walking away
without making an effort
to look back, or think back
what about me, about you
and about us
you chose to let go
it hurts yet you feel not
the sorrow of eyes pleading
you drift away nonchalantly
carefree and unworried
am i the only one still clinging
to your shadows old
receding so fast from me
should i stop following
and stop loving or
should i grab you back
to where we stood before
but your heart’s far away
so distant like clouds
on the other end of the shore
as time’s horizon eats them away
or precious memories being sold
unwillingly i still stand
helplessly holding
your imaginary hand
i cannot look back
i can bear not to see ahead
so now, where should i go?
precious guilt.
May 21, 2014
life’s doors
open to so much
landscapes, mountains
emotions so colored
people so varied
and you will fall
not just in other’s
also in your own eyes
short-lived sometimes
endlessly at others
you will carry guilt
some burden
upon your tender chest
of scars given to you
of wounds you made yourself
it is all… precious
it is so when you cry
so much that it all dries
it hurts, so much that
it becomes beautiful
some of these will
never be known to others
they are deep within
your soul
hidden beneath layers
like a pebble silently
affecting an ocean
these are always there
somewhere
inside of you
they channel you
in wonderful ways
they touch you
in delicate choices
they affect you always.
words of life.
April 26, 2014
there is always
a tiny warmth hidden
a piece of life
in words
someone
somewhere felt
a deep emotion
stirring him to write
and that is something
that’s passed on
from eyes to a heart
pure and complete
one can feel
those scribbles
silently filling
an emptiness inside
words of life
of warmth
are wonderful treasures
rare and serene
it reaches where
no one can
it touches where
no eyes can see
a black realm inside
that’s always watching
resonates
with words written
by a foreign hand
by a heart miles away and
totally unrecognized
it holds the power to heal
when one seems lonely
it comforts
when grieved
it caresses
in times of confusion
it guides
and when in love
it further binds
words have meanings
and meanings
carry emotions
heavy yet moving
when well written
they strike a chord
deep in conscience
and leaves its mark
to be loved
to be hugged
to be understood
without expectations
words can become
for some a kind of love
nowhere else to be found
in this realm
it can be like a candle
glowing
a tender form of heat
slowly fighting away one’s darkness
offering peace
to mindless agitations
easing everyday frustrations
and consoling guilt and disappointments
like a friend
who was always there
to hear
and yet expecting nothing in return
once touched
it remains
like sounds of a church bells
heard from afar
they echo one’s own maladies
in ways that seem silly
yet adding some form of
a setting glow to a restless mind.
little girl.
April 18, 2014
someone i see
i hear
i feel, i run to
and fall
like a little girl
playing with waves,
i play
with life
something here
someone there
a never ending
phase
progress
seems blur
as everything loses
a face
i behold words now
much more
much like a little girl
hiding herself behind wall
peeking just a tiny bit
to see if its safe
to come out
and to smile again
scared sometimes
to reach out
thinking will they
hurt me, those hands
should i
stop
or should i run
or fly like a little petal
the plains seem
inviting, this world
its games seem
frightening
yet where else to go
my home’s breaking down
i can only run
from a downpour
looking for a place
to be safe
from forces that rule
a human terrain
how long will
innocence last
or how long will
i be able to smile
like a little girl
i think, sometimes
like her i hold tight
to a sheet
looking out
i feel the surge
of a thousand unknown
feelings in me.
green melody.
April 15, 2014
little by little
a dance ensues
a persistent feeling
like feet touching
an earth for
the very first time
its mesmerizing
bewildering and
the heart it
races steady heights
i keep walking
grasping onto tendrils,
bushes and smelling
the green grass
its peaceful
its complete
with the fullness
of being alive
the chilled calm air
cleansing me
makes me content
in the midst of bird sounds
in the midst of all forms
of life around
i walk away
snatching glances
here and there
a footprint i leave
to mark my own
feeble presence
humming with
a mild form of joy
my own sweet and
delicious melody
of the green haven
that keeps me alive
a feeling that
resurfaces time and again
like blue clouds
in a white sky.
memories of love.
April 15, 2014
silent breeze
at the entrance
of a summer’s
deserted street
a warm wind
wraps
hisses and whispers
behind your ears.. soft
and it tickles
when it leaves
disturbing my short
unkempt hair
a little wild my heart
gets to be
and i smile
to myself
what a think to
make me remember
those old forgotten
memories
memories of love
of a cherished touch
fingers that could be
held whenever
of secret places
to hide with
cuddling in play
in joy and celebration
of always
being tightly held
always being looked at
with fond
so much
so much
it feels almost
overpowering my heart
just in an instant
as i regress to old times
i feel kind of
at home with him
remembering little things
as i turn the street
some shadow
resembles like him
so i turn in a hurry
like i can catch him
like before
in the now and
fasten him to me
my fingers wanting
to curl around his
to grip onto his
very existence
i crave
someone to notice
just once
that i will fall unless
i am drowned in care
how can i ask
something this selfish
wonder why
my heart aches
my mind seeks
an image
and i still walk away
head facing the bricks
placed to support me
whereas they actually seem
like consuming me
almost
as if i will just faint
out of this sudden sadness
raining only on me
whereupon i am surrounded
by a lively world
outside my little shell
inside this invisible, thin
yet strong glass
i hold my memories
of love.
homesick.
April 15, 2014
an earth
a sky
and a pale scent
of home…
what else can be asked
or is worthy
of being desired?
rather than somewhere
to return to
what else can
one preserve?
he gave me a pair of eyes to see…
April 5, 2014
he is the first person i looked into
and the last i would bow to
that grace in his eyes
fountains of experience outflowing
he is no mystery to my trained eyes
and he is when, in his smile he hides
yet long after i realize in a flash
in a glimpse, what he hid so inefficiently
his hands, shivering yet
holding me with all his might
his pale skin, its dying softness
still caressing me as his own
where else can this warmth i find
that feels safer than any embryo
a delicate soul, a strong shell
and within lies his love.. for me
everything i ever saw was because of him
and everything i will ever see, will be his gift
i live with my God, my father,
the most fulfilling of my days.
i love my father.. he is perhaps, the most beautiful person i have ever known, softest yet strongest, his care is something i am proud to have and his love is priceless, the rarest of gifts of this Universe to me. I just love him!
Athmana 