precious guilt.
May 21, 2014
life’s doors
open to so much
landscapes, mountains
emotions so colored
people so varied
and you will fall
not just in other’s
also in your own eyes
short-lived sometimes
endlessly at others
you will carry guilt
some burden
upon your tender chest
of scars given to you
of wounds you made yourself
it is all… precious
it is so when you cry
so much that it all dries
it hurts, so much that
it becomes beautiful
some of these will
never be known to others
they are deep within
your soul
hidden beneath layers
like a pebble silently
affecting an ocean
these are always there
somewhere
inside of you
they channel you
in wonderful ways
they touch you
in delicate choices
they affect you always.
unsoundings.
April 22, 2014
i look beside me
i see you walking
with a twisted heart
you say you can see
how and why you lie to me
i have always wondered
understanding is a huge burden
how do you carry it
upon your spec sized heart?
you hear me as if
you can see through me
yet your eyes are so cold
the wind, the people walking
even the sights turn your attention
away from my words… so easily
i get hurt just by looking at
how ridiculous my reflections
appear in your eyes to me
should i keep walking
because i feel like carrying
a mountain upon my back
its hard to keep pace
with someone like you
who can just not feel anything
my voice, my whispers, my breath
not once have you \heard them
you are blind to my very existence
it seems
that i never was there
in the first place for you
and your world is just
unsoundings of my cries
all gobbled up instantly
in a vacuum of your pride
and in the spotlight of
your own supreme self.
It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t come back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head.
Henry Rollins (via -volare)
You love pain
A lot more
Than I expected
When I was bringing home
Sunshine packed in sacks
You were swimming in despair
When I put my hands upon
Your sagging shoulders
In the hope
That when you turn
You would smile
You instead
Let a tear drop roll
And fall
Upon my naked feet
Sending a shiver all over
My joyfulness
And transforming it
Into a reciprocated tear
In my eye.
When they whisper cruelty
I silently bear it all
Not because I wish to be hurt
But because the sheer intensity
Makes me speechless
Stunned at my incapacity
To show them my heart.
I could understand her
But she could never see
Me standing behind her
All the time when she
Was dancing in glory
And she could never
Understand how I loved her
How I missed her
And how I wrote her poems
When she was gone.
Sometimes your pains
Become entertainment for others
Who watch curiously
How it all unfolds
In interesting ways
So that they can entertain more
Paint walls of red
From the blood that flowed
And all can watch in awe
Admire the art and smile and glee
But never for once would one of them feel
The pain that screamed out of a heart
When all that blood was shed.
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Her wounds so apparent
Her soul so lost
Her tears still hiding
Below her eyeballs…
Athmana 