near the next turn… meet me.

i hum a song, its sunday’s light

the crowd’s not dense, i can feel the wind

standing here on the edge of a road

i can hear the next train passing the station

a sky filled with a pattern serene

the clouds that ring my romantic mood

the chimes of the nearby shop door opening

makes me want to dance a step

i see if i am being watched

and then i progress

but i so want to hold your hand right now

i wish you would wear that pink dress of yours

if like that day we can meet once more

that would be such a splendid time

walk towards me right now if you can

near the next turn, close to a paper stand

i have three primroses on my right hand

catch my pace and reach me wearing a smile

i’ll grab you at once and hold you close

decorate the roses on your hair

and walk with you with fingers so clasped

our joys would spill over footprints left.

🙂

his voice.

his breathing heard over the phone

that deep contempt for self i heard

such strong emotions ruled my soul

a conversation that dragged its feet into the deep night

thronging into my mind hammers of past

so heavy, yet desperate his grasp of me

over the thin and unseen wireless air

that zest for self devastation deepening

i could hardly contain the content in my palms

amid his constant murmur into emptiness

those complaints that were muddled yet overflowing

there was an ugly form of tenderness hidden

always waiting to be answered i could hear

his seeking voice thrown at my ribcage

as if screaming out to hold my hand

wanting to be sucked into my warp

tie me down to sink with himself.

on birthdays.

someone smiles for you

just for your well-being

someone’s there to remember it for you

adding importance to your existence

tender emotions spilled across this day

this one day that fills so much joy

to have been born

to have been healthy and well so far

it reminds one of everything in the past

and fills all hope for a future

you meet friends who love you

your family that showers you with gifts

wishes from one and all and its all so meaningful

the depth of the blue sky deepens

and our eyes become kinder and softer that day

since our heart’s been touched in or the other way

we feel grateful, happy and contented

even for a little while the world turns beautiful

and we seem to recognize our preciousness

within its humble womb.

PROSETREE #2

its a typical afternoon in July. the monsoon’s about to come anytime, its almost time but still no traces of clouds.. there is this silence and longing for a few drops of fresh water to wet the ground… insects, birds, little and tender plants… all are waiting…

---

\ july is born /

|

|

\ monsoon’s tendrils bloom /

|

|

\ climb the air, slowly terracing towards sky /

|

|

\ beneath green canopy’s fresh leaves birds sing in love /

|

|

\ a rising emotion fills the air, past, present and future combine /

|

|

\ a little hope, some thought and nostalgia, everything’s bright and light /

|

|

\ warm sun glows upon light green grass, rough textures of wood /

|

|

\ a beautiful silhouette forms beside everything material /

|

|

\ bringing out traces of all feelings so surreal /

|

|

\ this ticking of time, a scent embracing /

|

|

\  like far away feeling, yet closeby /

|

|

\ winding the clock, cooking /

|

|

\ little meanings formed /

|

|

\ unexpected moments /

|

|

\ suddenly start/

|

|

\ and weirdly /

|

|

\ end /

|

|

|

|

|

{ THANK YOU }

{—————————————-}

---

i hope that you will like this piece, but i don’t yet have an idea how well it feels to read it and how different a feeling it renders upon the readers minds.. i would like some comments on this. your opinions are highly valued and welcomed. 🙂

thanks for reading.

her murky shadow.

the chimes ring
as winds bleed

upon my doorstep
is a shadow’s streak

someone i know
used to come through

walk in and hug me
watch me close

meet my eyes and
kiss my cheek

her murky memories
still lurk in my heart

a corner reserved
for her unwavering thoughts

thoughts of past
of her, of us

everything she touched
i never changed

what is this obsession
this dreary state

wherefrom comes
a feeling of possessing

that which lies
upon a foreign land

her voice sometimes
i hear over a fuzzy line

limited words
now describe our time

together we smile
a second and then

off goes our love
ends there our time

with gifts once given
and words once spoken

i survive a nostalgia
so imminently disguised

i believe she believes
i think she remembers

yet i know not the truth
i know only lies.

 

---

 

 

i want to believe that she really knows how much she means to me. my sister, i cannot describe hos much i miss her and love her… words, silence, none is enough to speak of what i feel, so deep lies this bond that its strange, and yet it is purely wonderful, this feeling of having someone like her and of loving her so much.

memories of childhood, with Heidi.

on the edge of
memories, somewhere

lies a place of those
days i was a child

carefree times
peaceful rhymes

when i look back
i see a saffron cloud

shadowing in gold
all that i once held close

so much depth there is
to flowers that fade

ends meet beginnings
yet in ends life surface

memories of
dreams i saw

with the ones i loved
the joys of laughter

those warm nights
under the moon

filled with breeze
a star-filled sky

enchantingly nice
sweet like sweetest wine

thin like a sheet of
honey on water

i reminisce in
thoughts deep

how life unfolds
in days that end

in days that stay
and in those that fade…

forever.

---

we used to watch this cartoon animation show named “heidi” on TV, me and my sis, when we were little and it was enchanting. the story was about a little girl living in the alps with her grandfather and the beauty of the mountains surrounding her humble home, goats, birds, her friend and the little village a little afar. i used to be lost in that story whenever i would watch it. it would bring me a lot of smiles, tears and all sorts of feelings of belongingness, almost as if it were my very own story. my sister and i would love it, cherish it and we do it even to this day. our shared childhood days, those memories of warm nights spent with my family, it all felt like a dream because we did not have a care in the world and we had our parents, our home and our very own sky.. i always felt that. whenever i think of those times tears come out and i am moved by how beautiful and precious those times were to us.

still standing… upright.

that vertical stand
head up, roots down

reaching a sky
that’s filled with blue

patches of white
and avian friends

what thoughts
circulate your soul

silent always
a calming friend of mine

i water you
i watch over you

i think about you
when exhausted

everything else
seems chaotic

except for you
all else is too noisy

even my own mind
disturbs me

even my own emotions
erode me

but seeing you grow
year after year

there is this flow
of life in me

of love that transcends
my human form

reaching out
to your brown limbs

each season i see
your leaves change

reacting to the world
in silent ways

i start to admire
your faceless face

somehow i feel
you do understand

all the complaints
that i pour out to you

all my sighs
reach you too

my tears pain you
as much as myself

and perhaps my thoughts
move you as well

are we friends
are we soulmates

or are we just
random creatures

standing side by side
i watch the stars with you

your resident mates
make you so beautiful

as dawn knocks away
an ardent night

you hold nests
you bear fruits

and your leaves wither
with the pinching cold

yet there you are
always by my side

as this earth
holds us two

the beauty of you
is beyond these words

our bond deeper
than mere verses

our time shorter
than most times

i wish i could have
a little more of you

in my garden
sitting close to you

i feel complete
for reasons unknown

our voices though
voiceless seem to echo

in the wind
in the rains

in summer’s heat
as well as in autumns

our happiness remains
uncomposed

yet i try
like a child

writing about you
on a page

that may fly
someday

away with
an evening breeze

…

still i know
you’ll be standing there

painfully watching
as our time ends

…

will it?

where i shall go
will i see the same sky

those same feelings
reverberating

from miles
above myself

will the wind blow
the leaves in my garden

same as now or
will it storm in my absence

breaking vases
i painfully collected

pinches of shades
of a dying sky set slow

i am reminded
of so much more

in these brief seconds
collapsing unto my ribs

painful sighs, and
drooping shoulders

silhouette against
a fabulous horizon

so little i am
so vast there is to be known

only if the pace
can be a bit slower

i would have cherished
a few more rains

a little more sun
and winter mornings here

yet that’s how
all stories inevitably end

one man against the sea
one human against the cosmos

will it make sense
anytime soon?

its painful when you leave a place where you lived for most of your life to go to a place you hardly know about. life in the urban is filled with painful surprises and once in a while it forces you to completely let go. but i am learning to love more than what i loved, i shall try my best.

🙂

precious guilt.

life’s doors
open to so much
landscapes, mountains
emotions so colored
people so varied

and you will fall
not just in other’s
also in your own eyes
short-lived sometimes
endlessly at others

you will carry guilt
some burden
upon your tender chest
of scars given to you
of wounds you made yourself

it is all… precious
it is so when you cry
so much that it all dries
it hurts, so much that
it becomes beautiful

some of these will
never be known to others
they are deep within
your soul
hidden beneath layers

like a pebble silently
affecting an ocean
these are always there
somewhere
inside of you

they channel you
in wonderful ways
they touch you
in delicate choices
they affect you always.

hidden.

in a little pocket
within the flap of tender skin
where warm blood rushes
and races through
i hide a secret from you

its little, yet significant
as it makes me feel
elated, or depressed
at night or day
all by itself, it races

and when something
upsets this secret little thing
it aches, it hurts and bleeds
through tears unstoppable
flowing like a river in flood

hidden from this world
from your eyes and mine
this secret lives
to see it all, and feel it all
always hearing to words

yours or mine
every noise falls upon its ears
and it reacts like a pond’s surface
like mirror sometimes
reflecting the entire sky or just my face

i cannot hide it
i cannot find it
yet it always finds me
hiding from the world
and discovers my deepest fears

in a flick of a second
it rips my facade
and embarrasses me
far beyond words can convey
yet it is gentle and harmless

in doing so it makes me regret
it makes me strong
it moves me, changes me
each day, each night
as it filters thoughts and

colors feelings into them
helping me to hold on
to something precious
that’s mine alone
yet something that’s fragile and pure

in a little pocket
within the flap of tender skin
where warm blood rushes
and races through
i hide a secret from you, did you know?

words of life.

there is always
a tiny warmth hidden
a piece of life
in words

someone
somewhere felt
a deep emotion
stirring him to write

and that is something
that’s passed on
from eyes to a heart
pure and complete

one can feel
those scribbles
silently filling
an emptiness inside

words of life
of warmth
are wonderful treasures
rare and serene

it reaches where
no one can
it touches where
no eyes can see

a black realm inside
that’s always watching
resonates
with words written

by a foreign hand
by a heart miles away and
totally unrecognized
it holds the power to heal

when one seems lonely
it comforts
when grieved
it caresses

in times of confusion
it guides
and when in love
it further binds

words have meanings
and meanings
carry emotions
heavy yet moving

when well written
they strike a chord
deep in conscience
and leaves its mark

to be loved
to be hugged
to be understood
without expectations

words can become
for some a kind of love
nowhere else to be found
in this realm

it can be like a candle
glowing
a tender form of heat
slowly fighting away one’s darkness

offering peace
to mindless agitations
easing everyday frustrations
and consoling guilt and disappointments

like a friend
who was always there
to hear
and yet expecting nothing in return

once touched
it remains
like sounds of a church bells
heard from afar

they echo one’s own maladies
in ways that seem silly
yet adding some form of
a setting glow to a restless mind.

unsoundings.

i look beside me
i see you walking
with a twisted heart

you say you can see
how and why you lie to me
i have always wondered

understanding is a huge burden
how do you carry it
upon your spec sized heart?

you hear me as if
you can see through me
yet your eyes are so cold

the wind, the people walking
even the sights turn your attention
away from my words… so easily

i get hurt just by looking at
how ridiculous my reflections
appear in your eyes to me

should i keep walking
because i feel like carrying
a mountain upon my back

its hard to keep pace
with someone like you
who can just not feel anything

my voice, my whispers, my breath
not once have you \heard them
you are blind to my very existence

it seems
that i never was there
in the first place for you

and your world is just
unsoundings of my cries
all gobbled up instantly

in a vacuum of your pride
and in the spotlight of
your own supreme self.

does it?

sometimes
does it make sense
to be happy
over memories

things that can
never be brought
back
to life

i wonder
how tears are made
to flow so wastefully
over something that ended

why does pain
still attain
a golden shade
when remembered

those past wounds
do leave a scar
so pretty
sometimes

its a paradox of
life’s deepest mysteries
unfolding
when a thin line disappears

as pain transforms
over time
into something
beautiful, cherishable

and precious
one can hold them
with a deeper content
now than before

why?
maybe because
the world changed
or the person changed?

does it
still make any sense
when the one you love
is no more the same

and yet some things
remain
like a thorn stuck
irremovably in a heart

why does
death end meanings
for a person while engraving the same
for the ones they loved

its amazing
to look back
and cherish
what’s worth

such a life
i am glad i lived
such a life i wish
you as well.

fingers forced.

holding a pen
placing them on paper
and starting a line

it takes a thousand
shocks of reality
to write it so fine

but each time
somewhere inside
i regret for writing it down

have i forced my words
upon these tender sticks
my fragile fingers

have i framed feelings
in a cage and left them decay
or have i been more truthful

in writing them as
my heart
they sway

i wish to be honest
i wish to be able to scream
tearing through my pains

and writing just me
nothing more
nothing less

just an inch deeper
than before
but enough to drown

an eye into oceans
and to dig out a few tears
at least

i want to touch
someone
where it would feel real

through an invisible face
a slight tone
and a few hundred words

convincing someone
that
i can be there to hold

shoulders that felt the same weight
as me
when i stood on an earth same as them

should i lie
then such a futile way it would be
like carving a heart out of shattered glass.. perhaps

i wish to try
and seek
new light

write truth and none other
be real as this paper
and hold my heart to the wind.

green melody.

little by little
a dance ensues

a persistent feeling
like feet touching

an earth for
the very first time

its mesmerizing
bewildering and

the heart it
races steady heights

i keep walking
grasping onto tendrils,

bushes and smelling
the green grass

its peaceful
its complete

with the fullness
of being alive

the chilled calm air
cleansing me

makes me content
in the midst of bird sounds

in the midst of all forms
of life around

i walk away
snatching glances

here and there
a footprint i leave

to mark my own
feeble presence

humming with
a mild form of joy

my own sweet and
delicious melody

of the green haven
that keeps me alive

a feeling that
resurfaces time and again

like blue clouds
in a white sky.

 

memories of love.

silent breeze
at the entrance

of a summer’s
deserted street

a warm wind
wraps

hisses and whispers
behind your ears.. soft

and it tickles
when it leaves

disturbing my short
unkempt hair

a little wild my heart
gets to be

and i smile
to myself

what a think to
make me remember

those old forgotten
memories

memories of love
of a cherished touch

fingers that could be
held whenever

of secret places
to hide with

cuddling in play
in joy and celebration

of always
being tightly held

always being looked at
with fond

so much
so much

it feels almost
overpowering my heart

just in an instant
as i regress to old times

i feel kind of
at home with him

remembering little things
as i turn the street

some shadow
resembles like him

so i turn in a hurry
like i can catch him

like before
in the now and

fasten him to me
my fingers wanting

to curl around his
to grip onto his

very existence
i crave

someone to notice
just once

that i will fall unless
i am drowned in care

how can i ask
something this selfish

wonder why
my heart aches

my mind seeks
an image

and i still walk away
head facing the bricks

placed to support me
whereas they actually seem

like consuming me
almost

as if i will just faint
out of this sudden sadness

raining only on me
whereupon i am surrounded

by a lively world
outside my little shell

inside this invisible, thin
yet strong glass

i hold my memories
of love.

homesick.

an earth
a sky
and a pale scent

of home…

what else can be asked
or is worthy

of being desired?

rather than somewhere
to return to

what else can
one preserve?

sun drops.

she would drink the mornings
to complete her dreams

just to know that
her heart still beats, still yearns

she sleeps into days
to dream of her pleasures of nights

long, really long nights
filled with artificial lights

there were places where
she would stop

and peek into people’s eyes
to find a home, to rest in peace

yet her wanderings
always led her to the same old place

that corner seat, in a train
where no one sat

where no one could see
her drowsy eyes

that carved tears unto
an empty corner

saved her trembling voice
and held her as she fell sometimes

yet she would wait
for the sun drops

that pleasant gold rain
at the first love of earth and blue

when all life came alive
and she would smile herself to sleep.

cast.

beauty is
what i cast
in my garden
as a flower blooms
i watch it bloom
i grow as it grows
and smile with it
shine with it
and a part of me
die as
it dies in my eyes
in my eyes
a world ends there
a child’s been lost
and i am empty again
so i grow life
once more
in the same soil
i grow life’s seeds
and watch them grow
make them smile
and share in their joy
of life’s spec
a little light
in this vastness
that surrounds me
in the force
of the forces that
move me
i relish the pace
as i revolve around stars
mingle with planets
and watch
the moods of the moon
i sleep inside
petals soft
and feel their warmth
so soft and temporary
that it makes me want to
hold on a little more
a little more
of life
in my palms
and caress
with love
all things worth loving
live with those
that glow like the sun
and die like the northern star
weaving in memories
an eternity
to compensate for
death’s ecstasy.

Laughing for no reason.

Well, when it is me and sis, we laugh a lot and we laugh at nothings.

Interestingly the topic can get too weird for others around us to tolerate those kinds of jokes, not vulgar, just weird. 🙂

And when we are together we can always find something to laugh about. That way it feels like we floated through time and hours pass away like seconds…

We have a kind of bonding that is deep and lovely. She knows me so well, sometimes it scares me 🙂 not really 🙂

But we have a world of our own and I want to keep it that way. I don’t want to lose her to circumstances, I don’t want to lose my best friend.

She is the most precious person I have, she is the most amazing person I know, she inspires me each day and there is so much I have to learn from her, at times, I feel like I am some admirer of hers 🙂

Soon her semesters are gonna start and we will be separated for another 10 months… sad but true and I have to live with the fact that sometimes we fall weak to reality and we cannot change much about the directions in which our life takes us…

I can only wish for the best. I can only wish for this love to last forever.

🙂

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